Baby Things You Don't Need

As a mom of six children, I have become a minimalist when it comes to babies. With your first, you tend to go overboard. You get sucked in by all the cute and handy items, and click everything on the registry. By the third baby, you just tell people you want the basics: Diapers, pads, and sleep.

As you put the final details on your nursery, and you wait for your upcoming baby shower, you might want to re-consider the following items:

A Boppy

Although they come in many cute styles, I don’t find them very useful for what they are made for (nursing). Unless your boobs hang down to your belly button, you’ll end up needing to prop pillows under it anyway. The " My Breastfriend" does seem to work better than the Boppy for getting baby up where you need him/her to be, but you will most likely ditch any nursing pillow after about a month anyway! Consider getting some new sleeping pillows, and prop them where you need them in those early weeks, and you’ll have something that serves as a dual purpose!

The Gentle Rocking Swing (whatever)

If you considering a swing that brags about how gentle, calm, and soothing it is, - just keep walking. You don’t want something that is going to gently rock your baby. A baby likes MOVEMENT, and the swings that they are coming out with these days just don’t cut it. The Lamby-Poo Cuddly Pro swing looks comfortable (and probably is), but you might want to consider the Rocket Launcher 3000. Yeah, that should do it. (Patent Pending- Trisha Blizzard)

Crappy Nursing Pads

If the nursing pads have “paper” as the first listed ‘ingredient’, then you are probably a masochist, and you’ll enjoy them throughly. There is nothing worse than sticking something akin to sandpaper on your probably-all-ready-sore nipples. Not to mention they don’t hold more than three drops of milk without ruining your shirt. You need something soft, and you need something that will soak up a gallon of milk when your milk comes in. If you are like me, you will need to buy stock in these nursing pads, because you will need them for the ENTIRE time you are nursing (at least on one side), others will find themselves lucky enough to not need them after a month or two.

The Diaper Trash Thingie

You know the one that you stick the diaper in, turn the lid and it’s supposed to encase the diaper, and then you can’t smell the it anymore? It holds like 25 diapers at a time, and when you pull it out it looks like a giant diaper sausage. Umm no. They lie. It still stinks, and you have wasted a ton of money buying refillable bags, only to ditch the whole thing 2 weeks postpartum. Do yourself a favor and just get a small trash can and empty often. Have them all over the house, because let’s face it, at 2am, you are not going to walk into the nursery and change the baby on the changing table, and use The Incredible Diaper Thingie. What will really happen is you will change the baby on your bed, and toss the diaper in the nearest thing that resembles a trash can and deal with it in the morning.  (Unless you enjoy not sleeping?)

The Pee-Pee Teepee:

I used the actual name this time, because you just can’t make this stuff up! The idea is that if you are having a boy, and have these wonderful pieces of cloth handy, you will be saved from getting sprayed. Let me tell you what I learned from having 5 boys. You do not have time to grab anything. You open the diaper and if his weapon is standing at attention, you COVER IT BACK up (with the diaper). Seriously, how many moms open a diaper, covered in poo, and think “oh yes, I need to get that Pee-pee Teepee on before I attempt to remove his soiled clothing from around his neck”. No this mom is wondering if she needs gloves and a Hazmat suit.

No wonder you first time moms are soooo tired! The next time I hear a mom crying because she was up all night because it took her 3 hours to change her baby’s diaper (½ hour to find the Pee-pee Teepee, ½ an hour to clean up from the blow out, and 1 hour to figure out how to get the diaper in the Incredible Diaper Thingie), I’m going to have sue one of these company’s for mental anguish and trauma.

Parents , do yourselves a favor, and get something useful for you and your baby! For example: A doula? Postpartum doula? Or how about that Rocket Launcher 3000!


About the Author:
Trisha Blizzard is a mother of six and is a certified childbirth educator and labor doula in Fort Worth, Texas.